do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
