life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
