so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
