i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
