Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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