ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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