Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Man, jail baloney is awful.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
