I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
