She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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