it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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