We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
