First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Randomize
