Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
