By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
