what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
