I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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