Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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