I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
