Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
