I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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