I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Randomize
