Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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