I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
tonight lets celebrate not being married
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize