new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize