just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
