is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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