he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
