i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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