We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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