Swine flu. Run for my life!
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
