Umm I'm too high to move.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
