Midget sex pt 2 tonight
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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