I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
