Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
