All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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