Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
If I die, sorry about rent.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
