KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
