Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
