matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
