I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
