Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Randomize
