And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
