eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
as a side note pls kill me
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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