We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
worst night to have a conscience
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
