I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
