I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
