He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
