i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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