We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
