all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
