i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
