Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize