guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
