It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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