upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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