Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Come share oat with me in your robe
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
