i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
