Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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