the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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