So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
