take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
