Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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