I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
