its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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