Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
