Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
