is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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