I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
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