My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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