Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Randomize
