Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
