I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
